Are you A Good BabyMama or A Good Mother?

Okay, What is a Baby Mama? Well The Urban Dictionary puts it like this:

A term used to define an unmarried young woman (but can be a woman of any age) who has had a child.  As mentioned before in another definition, most of the time it is used for when it was simply a sexual relationship, compared to ex-wife or girlfriend.  Usually this has a negative connotation, a lot of baby mamas are seen as desperate, gold digging, emotionally starved, shady women who had a baby out of spite or to keep a man.  Sometimes they may act like this because of missed child support payments, unfulfilled promises by the father, or convenient sex by the father. Either or both may exist in any situation. For example: Joe didn't have any relationship with that chick, she was the "other woman" who ended up being his baby mama. 'Maybe Andy's baby mama is pissed because he said he was taking his sons to get a haircut but instead ended up playing dominoes with his boys.' Or.... 'Tiffany is a greedy baby mama; she is using her child support payments to buy her new boyfriend some speakers for his car.'  So, if that is a BabyMama...What is a good BabyMama? ...I got told once by this friend of mine,  "Charise, You're a good BabyMama! You do everything on your own and you don't ask that Ni**a for nothing!" Why? Because I was not holding my daughter's father to his responsibility?  I was not asking him for the support he should have been offering? Because when his current girl called my phone for him to pick up the girls I didn't trip? There is nothing good about that! Being in my unenlightened state of mind and very immature. I took if for  a  compliment. I was forgetting that I was really allowing my pride to cheat my daughter's out of a real relationships with their fathers....I am keeping it real. I was catching cases just so I could declare that I did it ALL on my own without the support of my daughters father! So, I could be called a Good BabyMama... I wasn't blocking a relationship between my daughters and their dads...I just wasn't promoting it either... I've now learned that it is pivotal for a young girl to have a relationship with her father. It shapes how she views herself through the eyes of a male figure for the rest of her life! I thought that it was that a father didn't value a daughter because I felt like I not loved because of the absence of my own father. I  must have subconsciously thought that my value was less...because he left me and never looked back. I guess I was trying to shelter my daughters from a an inevitable truth....Or, at least I thought it was true. While on Oprah Dr. Meg Meeker,Talked about the bond that exists between fathers and their daughters is a very special one. Holly and Rodney talk with Dr. Meeker about the importance of father-daughter relationships and about her book Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: 10 Secrets Every Father Should Know.  Dr. Meeker says. Dr. Meeker says a girl's first experience of love with her dad puts a template over her heart on what male love is all about. "If there is positive male experience in her early years, she is going to do much better," Dr. Meeker says. "If she has a bad experience when she is young, she is going to be very put off by all male figures in her life. That's the power of a dad." Instead of being a Good BabyMama and doing what I think is right for me to feel good or to show my ex that I don't need him, I am focusing on just being a good Motherby doing what is best for my daughters.....I liked this poem so, I wanted to share it with ya'll, my Sisters... What is a Mother? A mother is someone to shelter and guide us, To love us, whatever we do, With a warm understanding and infinite patience And wonderful gentleness, too. How often a mother means swift reassurance In soothing our small, childish fears, How tenderly mothers watch over their children And treasure them all through the years! The heart of a mother is full of forgiveness For any mistake, big or small, And generous always in helping her family, Whose needs she has placed above all. - (katherine davis) Visit us online at www.thedaughtersofruth.org